Cancelled shows. (Very sorry)

by Tim 16th Jan 2007 | 115 comments

Hi there people.

This one for people in the UK… and more specifically, people who were very kindly planning to come to my shows in Maidstone or Nottingham or Aylesbury or Sheffield or Leeds.

I’m afraid I’ve had to cancel those five gigs. Well, I didn’t have to… but I was compelled to. It was a selfish act actually.

You see, I got invited to the HBO comedy arts festival in Aspen, which is a really brilliant opportunity. We (manager / promoter / i) had long chats before we pulled the dates, but it was decided i’d be nuts to pass up on the offer, cos i can make up the uk gigs at some point, but the chance to go to Aspen is likely to be a one-shot affair.

I’m truly and humbly sorry. I’ll make it up to yez.

I welcome any expressions of anger on my page. It’ll be fun. (Obviously haiku form is the most appropriate way to do this).

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115 Comments

Drew on 27th of August 2009

Now I look foolish.
Looks like I assumed oh-nine
not oh-sev’n. Oh pish.

Why weren’t you more clear?
For the sake of a few words
I’d have seen the year.

I’m really quite glad.
Would have missed this if it weren’t
for Tim’s selfishness.

Now I get to go
to the next presumably
unmissable show.

Kirsty on 11th of June 2009

“Probably not”, eh?
Don’t doubt my commitment to
timminchin.com

Bec on 11th of June 2009

Dear Kirsty and Blake
Your racial haiku battle
Was much fun to read

Two years have now passed
Will you read this, I wonder?
No, probably not

Joey, Russell and Clarke on 18th of January 2009

When you come to Nottingham, you can stay in our grow room for free!!

Joey on 18th of January 2009

If you ever do.
Come to my home town Notting
Ham. let me know.

That counts right?

see you soon hopefully Tim xx

Mark on 13th of October 2008

When will you come to
Nottingham again because
Sheffield is [too] far

Bitch, I have no way of gettin to Sheffield, especially seen as though I only found out about the gig 4 days ago.

I realise that wasn’t haiku,
but I’ll give money to charity or pray or read or something to make up for it

Simon Hills on 19th of September 2008

I am mistaken
My dates all mixed up, i shall
See Tim after-all!

I’ve waited so long
To see the man in action
Now all hopes are dashed

Aspen you say, Tim?
I ain’t getting on no plane
Sucka, Crazy fool!

Dave Rave on 22nd of June 2008

I’d like to see Tim
in a show here in Oz, uhm
how many syllables?

I didn’t know about
our Tim when he did the House.
Opera that is.

becky! on 28th of January 2008

1234 i luv marine cor!

Shonay on 6th of January 2008

I sit and wonder
Will web comments be added
To new Minchin shows?

Alistair on 11th of September 2007

saw you at reading
wanted to be at sheffield
going manchester

:D my haikus suck!

Josh on 16th of March 2007

This is for Kirsty, you have to much time on your hands. For Blake, he also has to much time, but he stuck up for the Aussies. Sarah, you should have stayed out of the argument and seen how long it would have lasted. Tim could write a song about it?

Sarah (english) on 14th of March 2007

This is a test, I do apologise for its randomness

Caroline Lewis on 4th of March 2007

Blake, September 2nd is the day I go see Ross Noble….at Leeds Grand Theatre.

If Tim was on at City Variety’s on the same night….I would cry.

Would be worse than when I found out Ben Folds was playing in Manchester the same night I went to see Tim….cos at least I had tickets for Tim.

Richard on 3rd of March 2007

‘Course
Our man Tim won’t see that
Comment ‘cos
He’ll be in bloody
Aspen

I have only just
Found out about cancelled gig
That’s tonight
Bollocks

Blake on 1st of March 2007

what is september 2nd? apart from 3 days before arguably the best date to have a birthday?

Caroline Lewis on 28th of February 2007

Ahhhhh yes, I agree wth Joni,

Please please please please PLEASE….reschedule the Leeds date….

Preferably AFTER July, and not on September 2nd.

Emma on 27th of February 2007

My sister saw Tim
in Derby Assembly Rooms
and wont stop talking

About his greatness
and brilliant musical skill.
His CD is worn.

But I am forlorne
to be missing him at notts.
His dark side’s been shown.

(Sorry, I’ve never writted a Haiku before and thought I’d give it a try)

Blake on 17th of February 2007

you are forgiven,
i was refering mainly,
to offensive kell :P

Suzi Poole on 16th of February 2007

Ah…

hai·ku (hī’kū) pronunciation
n., pl. haiku also -kus.

1. A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.
2. A poem written in this form.

[Japanese : hai, amusement (from Middle Chinese bəij, pha·j) + ku, sentence (from Middle Chinese kuəh).]

Gosh, will Blake forgive me?

Joni on 14th of February 2007

PLEEEASSE come to Leeds soon!!!!!

You’re my favourite comedian and (being a music student) i admire your talents. Let me see them live!!!!!

Blake on 12th of February 2007

someone doesn’t know,
that to post here you have to
write in haiku form

kell on 12th of February 2007

you people really need to get out more

Suzi Poole on 10th of February 2007

Um…it’s still February 9th on my planet..

I just went to see;
Tim in old New-bury;
Now I’m all pumped up with glee!

He came to Greenham Park;
Where the Yanks just had a lark;
an ex-Cruise Missile base, dark.

Twas my very first visit;
I couldn’t have missed it;
Two TV appearences insisted!

So I laughed off my sock;
and must thank you a lot;
for your visit to the back of beyond.
(I gave up the Haikus;
because it just makes you;
scream for the freedom of song).

Matt on 10th of February 2007

OI play at bigger venues I cant get tickets!

Andrew on 7th of February 2007

So when is the new Sheffield gig going to be?
I saw you in Derby and I want to let my friends (who live near Sheffield) know when they can see you.

Amanda on 25th of January 2007

Cancel us then
See if notts gives,
We do – lots

Jen on 24th of January 2007

American here
Would fly across The Pond twice
Just to see you, Tim

I think Aspen
Might have worst Americans
Worth it for you, though

Colorado Tix?
Maybe Aspen’s not so bad
Canvas- just at gigs :(

I need some canvas
bags for when I go to the
supermarket here

Kirsty on 21st of January 2007

Arrived home today
To a letter from Sheffield,
Says gig is cancelled.

Knew that already,
but still it makes me so sad
to see it in print.

Now I must send back
My beautiful green tickets
To get a refund.

Leicester tix are green
But not quite as beautiful
They misspelled my name.

Sean on 20th of January 2007

HBO, Aspen,
glamour, wealth, fame, America!
is not me in Leeds

Have never seen Tim
Tickets in post arrive. Joy!
But leaves for Aspen

M. on 20th of January 2007

Besitos,
M.

Tim on 19th of January 2007

Ha! Our contemplative polyglot putting us all to shame.

t on 19th of January 2007

Now THAT is what i call spam

M. on 19th of January 2007

For crying out loud
If you do a damn haiku
let it be pœtic

He lives on a cloud
Timmy’s our favourite psycho
But he’s not athletic

It’s three in the morn
Haikus do not rhyme at all
But I thought I’d try

I love eating corn
From the stall inside the mall
But I dunno why

Listen to me, Tim
This is very important
Shush, and get closer

Solitude haunts him
brazen, clamorous, blatant
Throw him a hawser

We are animals
Love is but a pantomime
We keep pretending

In diff-rent ov-ralls
We go on, we fight space, time
Though we are feigning

If you found true love
At the age of sweet sixteen
I envy your luck

Mine flew like a dove
I was in the school canteen
Bad luck, but I fuck

Man lives a huge lie
We work, believe, reproduce
Few understand this

You can eat a pie
Travel the world on a cruise
Joke or take the piss

But we don’t, truth is
Know where we go, why we’re here
Or what we’re doing

Maidstone, Sheffield, Leeds,
Nottingham or Aylesbury
Just wait, he’s pooing

Paul on 18th of January 2007

Oh that’s not great, I was saving my theatre-vouchers for the Leeds gig. Any suggestions for good comedians in the next month or two in the Yorkshire region, anybody?

Johanna on 18th of January 2007

(sorry – not sure I fully know the rules of Haiku so apologies for the multi-verse approach. Just so much hate and anger towards Inconsiderate Mr Minchin (;-P) that it was just a bit of an outpouring, really . . . . .

. . . grrrr . . . . .

I just heard the news
That the gig has been cancelled
Thought I’d try Haiku

Lucky HBO
Americans laughing but
They don’t understand

WE are your true fans
But we have been forsaken
You need TV fame

Aspen may be great
For you, but my husband will
Miss a birthday treat

Prepared to travel;
We’d not usually choose
To go to Aylesbury

Only for you, Tim
Would we go to such a dump
(we live in Brighton)

Booked on Ticket Web
Paid an exorbitant price
For ‘handling’ and post

Got a rude email
Show is cancelled, refunded
Poor customer care

Even bought your discs
Sent off to Australia
Paid for two cds

(why can’t I buy them
somewhere in my own country
that’s what I wondered)

Now I’m very sad
Have to think of other gift
For my man’s birthday

Not an easy task
He’s a tough bloke to make laugh
Thought you’d do the job

But you have to fly
Cancelled gig for your career
Will it work for you?

Hope Aspen is fun
Think of us on that March night
No smile on our face

Remember your fans
Who will travel miles to you
(Aspen never moves)

If you play Brighton
It might be a nice gesture
To think of your fans

Namely me and him
Free tickets left at the door
Perfect birthday treat

That would make him smile
As he is celebrating
Forty years of age

And I would then stop
Being narked about your trip
And think you are nice

Placated, I would
Know you cared for your fanbase
(And forgive Aspen)

I wait to hear news
You say you’ll make it up, so
Here’s your ideal chance

Have a bonzer trip
Wow them at the festival
Turn your jokes on them

Don’t get a big head
Ticket prices can’t go up
Else I will be cross

Haiku might be calm
But I’ll get mad if I find
future dearer gigs

You have now been warned
Go to Aspen and have fun
I’LL BE WATCHING YOU!

Jimmy on 17th of January 2007

For shame Tim Minchin,
But enjoy Aspen this once;
Then come Nottingham!

kell on 17th of January 2007

Brilliant, have fun, don’t let your ego inflate too much.

Kirsty on 17th of January 2007

What the fucking fuck?
That’s not a haiku at all!
Shame on you, Buxton!

But I’d like to say
I was also in Brighton
That gig was lovely.

Dan Buxton on 17th of January 2007

Shame to hear your pulling out of the gigs, good news for you. Saw you in Brighton, very, very funny; one man even walked out, hopefully off the short peer. Stay jazz.

Kirsty on 16th of January 2007

*snicker* Sixty-nine!
Sixty-nine! HAHAHAHA!
Haikus are awesome.

A filler haiku
To make it to sixty-eight
Wait for the next one…

Sarah on 16th of January 2007

I screwed it again!
Damn! Damn! DAmn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I suck bad right now,

How long will it take
For us to run out of steam?
Hope we never do.

need one thirty eight
to beat inflatable you
can we do it you ask?

You stuffed up like me!
That makes me oh so happy!
Go Kirsty Go Go!

Never fear Kirsty!
Idea has two syllables.
More comments! Baha!

Look at this blog now!
More comments than “Baby” one.
That’s fucking funny.

(creative licence;
I put the word “idea”
As two syllables)

He’s lovely really,
But I still want some revenge.
Any idea how?

Only sixty days,
Til I see Timmy again!
Wahoo and Yahay!

Many days since tim?
Two hundred and sixteenish
Long time without Tim!

He’s not a bastard,
He’s coming to WOLLONGONG,
Like I asked him to.

Timmy Timmy Tim
Timmy Tim Tim Timmy Tim
What a bastard, eh?

I got a great one!
I have it to show to you,
It will be here …. NOW!

Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim,
Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim?
Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim!!

Sarah, the thing is,
Too short to be annoying
Is what Haikus are

Sixty-nine? Baha!
Sixty-nine. Hilarious.
Sixty-nine. Kaching!

Does this annoy you?
Anyone out there, does it?
Annoy annoy you?

Our new goal’s sixty
Or should it be sixty-nine?
IMMATURITY!

Blake on 16th of January 2007

congratulations!
we made it to fifty (-one?)
now i must go sleep :(

Run forest runny.
Damn you Tim. haiku damn you.
Michael Finnigan.

if tim told us to,
to stop these haikus of hate,
then i would hate him!

we knew this had to
happen at some point here mas,
me, k and SJ!

Let’s keep posting these
Until Tim tells us to stop,
And then post some more.

We are doing it,
No one else has commented.
Just us, us three-ee

angry angry hate!
hate angry hate angry hate!
hows that for anger?

the goal of fifty,
we set it so very high,
but now we approach.

it appears sarah,
sarah has got some good lines…
not one liner-ers.

This blog seems to be
One great big angry love fest.
Needs more anger, though.

Of course they are Blake,
It adds to hilarity,
muahahahaha

oi! where is my love?!
you should bow infront of me…
as standing can hurt.

Wow, this is the place,
For me to love, Blake, K, Tim
love love love love love

Still angry at tim
on Kirsty’s behalf. Grr! Grr!
I growl at you Tim.

Here is an in joke
That only Sarah will get:
One point one three five.

I think that sarah,
does need some tutororing,
her haikus are… wrong :P

Aww, I feel fuzzy.
Fuzzy inside, and so loved.
I love Kirsty too.

I agree with Blake,
Tim should play those two places
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!!!

I love you, Sarah
(Stupid people need love too!)
More than I love Tim.

Tim! This is your fault!
You did this to show people,
how stupid I am!!

Evil he-bitch Tim!
I will never forgive you!
Never ever ev…

it is not my fault,
if i say a word diffrent,
cause i am quite wierd.

but timmy should play,
round the UK, AND Aspen…
he is very pro!

But I refuse to,
stupid Discrimination,
against the stupid.

I see what you mean,
Thought you were talking to me.
*more anger at tim*

oh fuck! I stuffed up.
Yet again, I stuffed up grr.
I should give up grr.

I mean you stuffed fourth.
Not third, my silly mistake.
*being angry at timmy*

I am very cross,
Tim will never know The Plan
And that really sucks.

You screwed up before,
Third Comment. Need more anger,
Anger at Timmy.

I will not screw up!
My haikus are superi-
Oh bugger, I suck.

Oh shit! I did it,
again I did it, forgot,
forgot the commas.

why only kirsty?
I have yet to kill the chain.
Discrimination!

Punctuate sarah,
I forget to do commas
I will not repent

Now it is the turn
Of K to screw up haiku
Do it, do it, do…

YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!!
how could you break the haikus!?
now you must repent!

Too many sylla
Can’t finish that word baha
I screwed it up bad

Like what? Your poster?
I have the water of Tim
Beat that crazy lady

i suggest that you,
you gloat about adopting,
adopting a child.

Haiku wars are great,
Good way to let out anger,
Tim’s a genius.

Don’t worry, Sarah,
I’m sure I’ll find something else
About which to gloat.

Poor Britishians!
They miss out on my tim a bit.
I still have much tim.

Still lots of Aus shows
Still lots for me to go to
Less gloating for K

PS Haiku war.
Good entertainment for me
Love you both and tim.

I would be angry,
but tim makes Sarah happy,
so it is all good!

But I’m cross at Tim!
So that won’t help your cause much
But Tim TAMS are great.

thats not fair kirsty,
how can i compete with that?
you’re good at haikus

(by the way kirsty,
we did invent tim minchin,
from the hole of perth)

Can’t stay mad at you
You guys invented Tim Tams!
all is forgiven.

(No, not you, timmy.
I’m still a bit cross with you,
You show-canceller)

I don’t need to kill,
a dingo ate my baby.
Go figure that, eh?

You fucking aussie,
Go murder a backpacker!
Mmm, racist haikus.

You are too busy
picking fault with my haikus.
Go and drink some tea.

Oh, but in Ausland
“Austraya” has only three
So that one’s wrong too.

I come from Ausland
(same place as australia)
So it has four here.

That word has two m’s
and only three syllables
You fail at Haikus

Canadian, eh?
A euphemism it is,
Imature? yes!

“Pulled down under”, eh?
Sounds like a euphemism
Heh, maturity.

My heart was in mouth,
I thought you pulled down-under.
I’m glad you didn’t.

(For your sake)

Another haiku
With my mature opinion
Boo, Aspen sucks balls.

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