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Back in the UKKR

by Tim 30th Jan 2008 | 95 comments


The writing of this post finds me well and truly back in the United Kingdom Kingdom Repeated.

And that, dear friends, is the extent of my justification for my title.

I feel like I ought to write a proper blog for once, one in which I actually regale my patient reader with reflections on my activities, rather than simply advertising my latest gig behind a thin veil of over-short sentences and mildly amusing non-sequiturs. Unfortunately, I’m not a natural anecdotalist. I know that that sounds ridiculous, given my chosen profession, but it’s true. Even the most exciting events in my life can be rendered completely suburban in my retelling. However, there has been a small wave of requests for details about my US trip, so I’m going to try.

Thus:

We flew to New York in an aeroplane. (Or as the Americans call them “Airplane”! Huh! Hahaha! Airplane! Hahaha!!! Crazy Americans!!). The driver who took us to our hotel asked me what I did and I told him I was a comedian and THAT is a mistake I will never make again. He told me countless jokes on that seemingly eternal drive, my favourite of which was, Why did the rake break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a ho., and my least favourite was something to do with Mexicans at airports. I didn’t understand the latter, because I’m not fully versed in the subtleties of the local racialist oral tradition yet. I will be though. Bloody Mexicans with their… hats… and their… outdoor parties with

Drinks.

The hotel we stayed in was nice. The restaurant downstairs was said to be owned by that irascible British gastronome, Gordon Ramsey, but I heard no foul-mouthed rants from the kitchen nor caught sight of the famous leathery scowl even once. I did however pay $US110 for breakfast on our first morning there, so I believe the rumour to be true. After that morning, I chose to break my fast at more economical eateries.

The venue in New York was called Ars Nova. That’s Latin for “New Arts”. I assume it was named thus because they were trying to target a Latin-speaking audience – in a country like America, it’s all about cornering a niche market. Unfortunately, it’s more likely to be translated as Butt Star by the average punter. Assuming, that is, that I am the average punter. Which I think I am. I punt mean. (That’s a pun. The mean bit, I mean.)

Language barriers, quotients and flat-bottomed boats aside, it was an amazing room. Only tiny, but the piano was great and the gear was great and the people were fantastic. Such a cool venue. The shows went great. There was clapping and drinking of wine. I met a couple of people who had traveled large distances to see my show, based only on my youtube presence and the enthusiasm of my UK and Australian fans. They were nuts and extremely nice. Just like my UK and Australian fans.

New York City is cool. If you like feeling you’re watching a TV show from the inside, you’ll like New York. I don’t like that feeling, but once I’d shaken it off, I liked the city very much. The people are nearly all Americans there, and for the first 24 hours I just wanted to shout, EVERYBODY JUST STOP FUCKING SMILING AT ME AND TELLING ME TO HAVE A NICE FUCKING DAY, but I didn’t which was good because you get used to it pretty quickly. I went up the Rockefeller centre and looked off the edge. It’s high. I like the Chrysler Building best.

We caught an airplane (when in Rome etc) to Las Vegas next. Everything that can be said about Las Vegas has been said. Oh except this: It’s a place where if you leave your ipod in the ipod dock in the obscenely massive hotel room, you won’t ever see it again. And maybe also:

It’s ridiculously hypocritical for I who, like all of you, live in the unprecedented luxury of the western world surrounded by everything I want or need and with more wealth than 96% of the earth’s population, to get on my soap-box about affluence, but. Vegas is fucking awful. I struggled to have a sense of humour about it. Perhaps the best symbol of the… discardability of the place is the “Colosseum” – a 5000 seat venue which they built for Celine’s show and which apparently is now to be torn down. And named after one of the most permanent and extraordinary human-built structures on earth. I dunno. When is irony not funny? About then I reckon. The whole place feels exactly like Sideshow Alley did at the Royal Show: a simultaneously cheap and expensive oversupply of crappy, shiny, colourful ephemera. Like an extra-marital one night stand or a Big Mac: even while you’re digging in and enjoying it, you’re suffering from premature remorse.

I did one 40 minute set in Vegas as part of the HBO Comedy Festival. It was OK. It was in a ballroom at Caesar’s Palace and I didn’t like the vibe of the room at all. Spoke to Mr Izzard after he had done a gig later that night in a (much bigger) ballroom in the same Hotel, and he hated it too. So Eddie and I have that in common, at least. Jerry (you know who I mean… my mate Jezza Seiny) was doing the Colosseum on the same night. I didn’t chat to him about it, but I think he went OK. Obviously he would have struggled to sell tickets, but I hope he doesn’t resent me – it’s not my fault we were billed at the same time.

So from Vegas, we went to LA. We hired a big car and I played some pool at Roger Taylor’s house. Not THAT Roger Taylor, the other one – the drummer from Queen. Cool huh. He wasn’t home, but I don’t think he would have minded. Oh and the shows were pretty good. And I had loads of meetings with people. And they were nice. I signed with an agent called Richard. He seems good. He’s going to either make me a movie star, or not make me a movie star. Huh! What are the odds on one of those things happening? Crazy Americans.

And then we took an aeroplane to Australia. We were on the same flight as Damon Herriman who was previously my hero and is now my friend. For you Australians, he played George on Love My Way. And he’s brilliant. Oh and he was the weird hick guy who picked up the dude and the chick in his pickup truck in House Of Wax. Huh. I liked the bit when Paris got the thing through her head. Huh. Huhuh.

I had a fine old time in Australia. There was a beach and I chose to go to it quite a lot. I got a tiny bit brown. My baby went in the ocean and that is good. I saw my mum and yes, I drank white wine in the sun y’all.

And so, on we go.

Some of you reading type people will now know that my next big coming-up-thingy is a 6-week run in New York, starting on March 3rd. I’ll be performing at the New World Stages six nights a week until April 12th. Unless, of course, I don’t sell tickets and we have to close the season early, but that will never happen because everyone in the whole of New York is going to be rushing for tickets. “Why”, you ask? Because if they don’t, I’ll have to close early. And that, my lovelies, is an example of Petitio Principii, or begging the question. Sort of.

You may encourage your buddies in New York to click here to buy tickets. If you are actually in or around New York yourself and would like to buy tickets, then you my special friend, should click here.

My Edinburgh and Glasgow shows this weekend have sold out, which is very exciting. I do hope you enjoy yourselves, you Scots.

tim.
x

Leave a Comment

95 Comments

Rebekka on 1st of August 2009

You dooo have fans in Norway as well, by the way. Not only in Australia and UK. we’re at least two…

daisy on 2nd of May 2009

cool blog i like how in your your writing youll use a whole string if relly big and poetic words and then in the next sentence use random words that arnet realy words like thingy. and also i like how some aof the the other comments will say somthing preteintious and mean but make it all ok with a little smile face. which, by the way, im reallly good at making check this one out (*_*)><(*_*) cute huh

Kate Barlow on 10th of March 2009

Hey Tim. Great blog! I much enjoyed reading it. Wow you played pool at Roger Taylor’s house. That is awesome. I hope you are having fun on your American tour and hopefully you won’t have to finish early. I will indeed encourage all my American buddies to go to your shows in New York. I could always travel to New York myself but I think the journey is a bit too long(and expensive)for me. I am hopefully going to see you in November when you come to UK which will be very exiting.
I can’t wait for your new CD as well :D
Kate x

Paul on 21st of January 2009

Hi Tim,
wow, we’re still reeling from a fab show at the Roundhouse in London on Saturday – there were 2 homeopaths in our gang (one of them is a repeat attendee) and they too were laughing … it was amazing, all of it, especially and unexpectedly the wonderful, hauntingly brilliant rendition of Halleluiah (:-?) … the whole thing was fantastic and we can’t wait to get the new cd when it comes out and to see your meteoric rise continue further … by the way, we saw James Fleet, actor (Hugo Horton, Vicar of Dibley and also in 4 Weddings & a Funeral) in the audience.
Hoping to see you again very soon,
Paul & Sarah, Yorkshire

Fiona on 11th of January 2009

Aw dammit – you came to glasgow? Can’t believe I missed that…

*kicks self*

Anyway, I hope we don’t have to wait too long for you to come back :)

x

rosedarpam on 4th of January 2009

I just discovered you on YouTube, and consider your repertoire to be brilliant. I’m 61 and live in Hawaii, don’t book here unless it’s a small venue because the level of sophistication here is generally 0 to none. However, If you combined a vacation and a show, you might find it rewarding. If you do, I will proselytize any person who is not brain dead to attend your show. Also, enjoyed the blog.

Tim Ford on 13th of November 2008

Hi Tim,

Just to thank you for a fantastic show in Worcester on 12 November, It was quite simply two hours of fantastic entertainment. It was a pleasure to meet you after the show and shake your hand. My beloved Denise loves that little shimmy you do during “If I didn’t have you”.

When you’re back in the UK we will definitely come and see you again.

best wishes for the future

And you do so Fucking Rock

Tim

patrick spelman on 12th of November 2008

how old do you have to be to go to one of your gigs tim i am thirteen and missed you when you came to coventry so please come back

Not you (leah) on 26th of May 2008

Hello again just checking in hoping all is well.. the show has started it is pretty kick ase.. just wondering planning any aussie trips??!!.. as well as that hope all your shows and things are going to plan.. good luck (not that u need it).. xx

Ben M on 16th of May 2008

just wondering when your going to tour Australia again?

and your so fucking rock

lachie on 14th of May 2008

COME TO AUSTRALIA! WE LOVE YOU THE MOST!

Debora on 9th of May 2008

Tim. . . You f**king rock!

kirsty spence on 1st of May 2008

tim i am so glad that your touring the uk and esp scotland again i have been waiting to see you in concert for years now, but your always sold out. i am also glad you are releasing a dvd but pls why cant we buy it in the stores as i do not have a credit card to but it online from you. will this be on sale at your gigs if so i would be a very happy fan. hope to see you soon

Olivia on 1st of May 2008

Really Really enjoy your music, can’t wait to see your live hope you come to Sydney soon
Love Olivia
xox

alena on 29th of April 2008

it seems a while since we had some new gossip tim…

please make with the story writing and tell us something exciting. anything will do

leah ellis on 26th of April 2008

here i am leaving yet another message.. i may seem like a stalker but i am just waiting for rehearsals.. i rehearse four nites a week for the wiz, a black american version of the wizard of oz which my school is produsing in its 3.2 million dollar preforming arts venue.. living in australia and all its is funny when all the kids put on their accents.. and witha ll that i still keep up school work and A’s as well as band rehearsals and band camps.. (this one time at band camp… no i dont play the flute) your life seems busy and tiresome but also fascinating so if you only have time to glimse through my message, or even if you actyally readit id just like to say your hard works worth it.. its like when i put on a good preformance i may be dead tired from rehearsals and spend a couple of nights in the hospital from dehidration and exhaustion but when the curtain goes down and the audience applauds its the best feeling ever.. cheers mate.. xx

Brian on 21st of April 2008

Hey,
I agree with the girl who suggested you could write professionally for a living. That was a fun read. I especially like how you summed up, pretty much, America…perfectly (discardable) – even though you were directing it at Vegas in particular.
Anyway, I think you’re material is fantastic. Although I can’t manage to successfully order your DVD online. Ach, I’m sure I’ll see it eventually.
Hoping you play in Scotland again shortly so I can catch you this time. I hadn’t realised you were playing here in January until after it or I’d have been there.
Let’s hear more about NYC.

Take it easy,
Brian

Syb on 19th of April 2008

Hey Timmy

I think it’s time for another blog please.

I want to hear about your new york run…

x

Kylie on 18th of April 2008

Hey Tim! I recently discovered your stuff on youtube and, well, you’ve already been told a billion times that you’re brilliant, so I won’t say it again :P

I would leave a message begging you to perform where I live, but there’s no chance, because I’m an Aussie living in Switzerland. A country which is great of you like chocolate and cheese and pretty landscapes, but crap if you want good comedy. I can’t even show your songs to my friends because they don’t understand enough English! *cries*
I’ll live though, and when I’m wealthy enough (can’t say old enough because I’m 20 and if I’d been really desperate, I could have nicked off to England ages ago) I want to move to England (to study and hang out), so maybe I’ll catch one of your gigs then. :D

Keep up the brilliant work! (oops, I said it anyway.)

xx kylie

Megan on 14th of April 2008

hey tim,
i was always a fan….you know enjoying all your sketches sometimes even watching an entire comedy show mainly coz i wanted to c u sing.
but recently after looking for a clip of Jeff Buckley singing Hallelujah on utube, i came across a wonderful clip of u singing that very song. :)
after hearing it i was speachless! i’d never heard u sing something lyk that!!
im not really sure why i am leaving a message all i really wanted to say was your voice is absolutley incredible!! seriously i couldnt stop smiling.

so yer im jst one out of a million who have probly written to you telling you how wonderful you and your voice is……. hope enjoy:) and please keep doing what your doing!

xo megan

PS. congrates on ur baby!!!(vry delayed-sorry) – (although i was a little upset when i found out u wer married i quickly got over it and felt happy that ur child will have an extremly cool dad…) congrates!!!

Liz on 13th of April 2008

Oh Sh…t you did some shows here in LA, and I didn’t know it…Damn will you come back again and advertise…PALLEESE…we need good humor…
Thanks

PSEUDONYM on 12th of April 2008

OH MY GOODNESS TIM TIMMY TIM TIM (doesn’t anyone remember that you have a last name?)

I’m leaving you a comment. It has nothing special in it, no money, no anecdote, and no wine.

Just a simple request:
Come to California.

PSEUDONYM

Dani on 12th of April 2008

Hi Tim!

My best friend is named Tim and you remind me a lot of him only different. I just stumbled on your stuff on You Tube and have to say you are brilliant. I need to know if “Not Perfect” is on one of your CDs. I can use it during my long drives to see my Psychologist. Only sort of kidding about that. I guess I should just shut up and buy both CDs and the DVD and be done with it. Perhaps next payday, my wife and children have already spent this paycheck. Anyway I wanted to just drop a note and let you know your work is appreciated on the left coast of the US.

cat on 10th of April 2008

i love you tim

david seagal on 9th of April 2008

Will be seeing the show this Friday nite. Can’t wait! It’s my friend’s second visit. My friend, Moogy Klingman, original member of Todd Rundgren’s Utopia and Jimi Hendrix’s “Jimi and the Flames”.

Mara Lesemann on 4th of April 2008

I saw your Thursday night in NYC show last night @ New World – my husband and I laughed harder than we had in a long time (and you play a great piano as well!). We’re busily (is that a word?) recommending you to our (few) friends, both in NY and elsewhere (on the theory that you will, someday, travel into the heartland of this sometimes-great country). Best of luck with the rest of your shows.

H.D. on 4th of April 2008

dude when are you gonna be coming back to california? the state is coming to an end without the great Tim here to guide us

Trent File on 1st of April 2008

Timmy timmy tim when are you coming to NSW I would love to see one of your gigs. Im kinda obsessed with your songs atm hehe they are fantastic. Thanks matey keep doing australia proud.
Trent

Damian on 26th of March 2008

I love Tim

Russell Meadows on 25th of March 2008

I’m a big fan of yours, I was wondering if you’d ever consider making an appearance in El Paso, TX.

Danny on 25th of March 2008

Hello, welcome to my message, im glad that you are reading…

Id just like to say that I think you are an amzingly talented musician :) You should release some of your “cleaner” songs into the charts, like Rock n Roll Nerd :D It’ll be amazing! I have both your CD’s and constantly listen to them :D

Do you think you would ever come over to Wales to do one of your amazing shows? I’d love to come see you so live!

Kathy butler on 24th of March 2008

tim is God.

Tim on 24th of March 2008

Dear Tim,

As I am also called Tim I feel we share a special bond, though time and space may separate us. I know you long to return to Melbourne, I just know it. I know you’re as sad to be not at the comedy festival as I am that you are not (for those not called Tim: Tims do not need grammar). So I fully expect to see you at some venue suitably convenient to me before long.

Oh, and Maddy is also devastated at your non-attendance. I assure you that between the two of us, we can fill any venue you play provided there aren’t more seats than we have friends.

Much love,

Tim & Maddy

matt grey on 22nd of March 2008

When r u comin back to OZ and can u please sel ur cd over the web or somewhere…all i have is the dvd….little hard to play in the car.
:)

honor on 21st of March 2008

Saw you at the New World Stages on Monday night – 17th – you were brilliant.

Shaun Taylor on 15th of March 2008

Hello Tim, hope the NY tour goes well,

I am simply writing to you to give a huge blessing, both as a fan, and as a general comedy lover. (I mean as in a lover of comedy, not a laughably inadequate male struggling to satisfy his partner; but I digress)

It has been difficult in recent years to find decent, new (dare I say interesting?) comedic talent, especially in the UK… I enjoy people who make the audience laugh but also make them feel slightly nervous/unsure what to expect? The well-rooted UK icons of Eddie Izzard, Bill Bailey, Peter Kay, Ricky Gervais etc. have always done well but new talent (until recently) has been a little dry in the UK, unless I have missed them…?

Recently the likes of yourself, Mark Watson, Michael McIntyre, etc. have rekindled my faith in quick-witted & energetic stage/stand-up comedy, and once again I am striving through You-tube and similar sites to search for exciting, new, and above all INTERESTING comedy.

Myself and my darling rock, Ciara (not literally inanimate nor dense, more of a patient / understanding bearer of myself and my sins… did that come across clearly? I digress) have followed your path as many fans do, albeit only via the patchy fenestrated index of You-tube and other websites (I have always found your tickets to be sold-out too quickly for me to get them), so is there any news of a UK-based tour/show soon? If funds permitted we would commute to NY this Easter (although I do like my sleep, and thus I fear incompatability with a self-proclaimed insomniac city…?)

So in summary – praise, contentment, and athirst for a Tim Minchin UK show a.s.a.p.

Kind Regards

Shaun & Ciara
(just fans, no-one special)
Nottingham, England.

Line Hilton on 15th of March 2008

ps. Vegas is a place famous performers go when we think they’ve died, sometimes they are dead, just didn’t “get it”

Line Hilton on 15th of March 2008

I can’t believe you didn’t mention meeting up with me in Oz…what has all this “might” be a film star “might not” stuff gone to your head!

X

annastacia middleton-mather on 11th of March 2008

Hi Tim ( and wife and child)
Tim, I am not 20 or even 29 and 12 months, but as possibly one of the oldest fans other than your mum may I just say “thankgod for Tim Minchin and his biting and delightful self”. For us 39 and 12 monthers you come as a most needed antidote to the horror of being a gen x responcible for the irresponcible mess left by Baby fucking Boomers, trying to save our own skins and raise yet another generation of human beings. maybe, no very very daggy of me, but I just love the way my 6 year old, 9 year old and 11 year old wander around our dull suburban house in Perth singing outloud “Inflatable you”, not sure if they fully understand the lyrics, . My cello playing 11yr (Mietta)old tried to work out Not Perfect on her cello, the 9 yr old (Maggie) wants her school choir to sing Canvas Bag as a productin number. Needless to say you are very popular in our house. Infact Not Perfect was played on heavy rotation when driving to Kalbarrie for Xmas. I know that none of this fits with your status as a Rock God, but it is kinda cute you gotta admit, and makes a change from 20 year olds batting their eyes at you…maybe?! Our friend (pause for possible name dropping) Lee Buddle has a funny story about you and a fit ball incident in his studio. Loved your Perth show..can I get the Christmas song anytime soon? MOre more more Tim Minchin please… sitcom in the States!!!??? Regards, Annastacia

Patrick Garrigan on 8th of March 2008

Coming to your show tonight! Most New Yorkers think Vegas is a shithole as well. Regardless, hope you’re enjoying your time is our fair city. Looking forward to the show.

Best,
PG

Cathy K on 7th of March 2008

Hiya – watched u in London at the Stand Up For Animals gig and u were really, really good. And please accept that as a compliment as at 59yrs of age I am not usually into the young comedians of today – but you were great!!
Keep Up The Good Work – as smiling more in this world would change a lot of attitudes.
Hugs

J-dog on 6th of March 2008

Ahaha! I wonder how many yanks click the first link, as apposed to the second link.

Jim Gladstone on 5th of March 2008

Howdy. I saw some ads for your shows in NY and thought, hmmm, this sounds like it might be worth gambling on a couple of tickets to something totally new to me. Last time I took a random chance like that, it was Eddie Izzard, a very happy discovery. I’m refraining from listening to your stuff online, as I’m looking forward to discovering it in person. Looking forward to catching your gig on Friday the 21st.

matt beverdam on 28th of February 2008

when are you coming to adelaide next

Albert [d76th] on 21st of February 2008

-looks back at huge as page of comments-…
No matter how much you give us to read, we’ll give you more.
>] not that that was the intention of ..something. :3

-emoticon user = 17yrold- xP somewhat envying ya. and here I’m havin’ a long break from studyin’ maths for my hsc course [nsw: higher school certificate, yr12]

;3 save my life story, all the best mate.

Stellarina the Ballerina on 20th of February 2008

Tim my dear, you are insane.
But that is why we, especially I, love you.
Good Luck with that 6 week gig, infact scrap that, you don’t need luck, we both know you’ll be amazing.
LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU xx

Rick Astor on 20th of February 2008

Would like to know if and when you’ll be performing in Los Angeles.

I thoroughly enjoyed the performances I’ve seen of yours (yes, on Youtube)… in paticular, “Not Perfect.” Utterly brilliant.

Thank you.

Janine/Sooty on 18th of February 2008

I would have wet myself with excitement if you had played pool at the other drummer’s place – you know, Duran Duran’s RT.

Good blog entry. I enjoyed reading it.

And enjoy your next US sojourn, movie star or not (yet).

johanna (Ars Nova) on 18th of February 2008

Sarah — by any chance do I not like New York? 1 in 5 live at or below poverty level, the schools are all crumbling and only the richest of the rich thrive here. Private schools, private resources = thrive here. Anyone else can go
suck eggs (that’s a quote from our Mayor, Mr. Richie Rich). The gap between the rich and the poor is greater in
NYC than it is not only in the US as a whole but also greater than the US and many third world countries. You should take a trip through our city’s “public service buildings” the elevators are all broken, the rats are the main residents and Richie Riches are nowhere in sight. I was born here and I work here and I do my best to make the best of my life here and having Timmy come on down is just one of the many brilliant wonders of living here and there are a few others — mostly theater and related arts types events — but as a day in and day out town, my point was that it’s surely not a “have a nice day” city – as that is the impression that tourists get when they stay and visit and only walk around in the very golden and moneyed areas. I wanted to disabuse my friend, tim, and let him know is impression was somewhat skewed. And on that note I leave you with “have a nice day!”

David on 15th of February 2008

No chance of you swinging by Michigan while in the states?

Sarah on 14th of February 2008

Johanna, by any chance do you not like New York? Just a thought…
Be careful you don’t turn the poor man off the big guns.

johanna (Ars Nova) on 14th of February 2008

oh. and sorry. my response to your blog was longer and much less compelling than your lovely blog…. but most people and probably you (as well) just skip the longer blogs so no harm no foul…
xoxox

johanna

johanna (Ars Nova) on 14th of February 2008

oh. and your new agent Richard will and should and shall definitely make you a movie starr because, after seeing you perform live only once, it was evident that your rather slender form, no matter how high you jumped, was no match for the uber grande presence of the aura your generated — which by my measurements, extended well past the Queens/Long Island Border going north toward Upstate New York. I read somewhere you played Judas in JC Superstar – you’d have easily done well to play the lord, no problem — but any role where the fire in your eyes and the sharpness of your tongue could be given free reign would do just fine. let’s go richard – do Tim proud.
xxoo johanna/brooklyn

your devoted and really really ever loving devoted coming to see ya March 3rd in Gotham fan: Johanna/brooklyn on 14th of February 2008

timmy — just for the record — you are correct — the entire core of NYC — from Rock Center to the Statue of Liberty is all “have a nice day” territory. That is because when Guilliani was mayor he closed down all the homeless shelters so most of the tired, weary and poor kicked it (expired) and he and the Real Estate moguls of gotham found a way to erode each and every last protection for those of us “working poor” who try to actually live in NYC so that there is currently no affordable housing five miles radius of Rock Center — it’s either share your flat with 8 junior investment bankers (a one bedroom for $2200) or live in Brooklyn (where I live) but at the risk of having your rent hike by 2 or 3 times (all laws have been eroded or repealed) and then, Good luck to you — cause the homeless shelters have all been demolished or closed down. I’m exaggerating but not by much. Tourists never have a clue what it is to actually try living here. Tourists get all the “have a nice day” bits. Trust me, New York is not a “Have a nice day” town. I — for example — was arrested by a city cop for trying to feed a pigeon. I’m not kidding. I had to go back to court 5 times before being excused. The judge did not say “have a nice day.” It is not “have a nice day” on any of the many iron and steel and degenerating subway lines — most of which have delays of 20 to 40 minutes at a stretch where you can breathe and/or actually chew on the airborn airborne urine clouds that breeze through the columns. There are more security guards and police in New York City now than probably greet you on the Gaza — the home of your future success singing PIGS. In New York, PIGS would be a very appropriate song to sing – if you could change the lyrics. I don’t like pigs, you don’t like pigs, it’s been that way forever. I don’t like pigs and I hope you don’t like pigs, can’t they just jump in the river? Maybe you like have a cop tell you not to sit on the subway stairs when you’re 8 months preggers (a woman was ticketed here because she sat down) — you get ticketed for sitting on a box on the sidewalk as well. You will be ticketed for standing still. The city gets more revenue from tickets than nearly anything — excepting the enormous wads of cash it gets from tourists and real estate. The 911 money that poured into our town was diverted (not into affordable new housing) but into multi billion dollar properties. Yeah — have a nice day, indeed. Fu** all. Now I know that you saw the little artsy bits and that, I swear, I love — still do love — but this is a police town. It’s a fascist city on lock down — try feeding a pigeon — I dare you. ps. will see you 3/3. so glad you’re coming back to our really fantastic city. And, by all means, have yourself a swell day. xoxoxox johanna

Linda Hannah on 12th of February 2008

Hi Tim,

do you have any plans to tour Australia any time soon?

Anita on 9th of February 2008

New York for 6 weeks until April 12, eh?

I take it you won’t be doing shows at ComFest in Melbourne this year then. Not unless you can time travel!

Clare on 9th of February 2008

Just wondering when you’ll be in Melbourne again! Missed 2007 shows!!

Shane from melbourne on 7th of February 2008

Hi tim, just purchased two tickets for the monday 10th march show. Will be good to see a familiar face in NY, even if we, well, haven’t met, so it won’t be that familiar I suppose. Not in the true sense of the word, but you get my drift.

Rosie Pinder on 7th of February 2008

this is all very well and good, but when the hell are you coming up north?… ahem leeds.
x

David on 6th of February 2008

Very entertaining blog, Tim. Glad you were able to push through and write some longer sentences. I sure hope your NYC show doesn’t close early – I’m flying all the way from Florida (on an airplane, no doubt) to see you. . . on the 7th, I believe (front row, say hi if you’d like). I look forward to seeing you!

Rosie Cham on 6th of February 2008

Love you, Tim. Keep up the hairdo for me!
xx Rosie

B. on 4th of February 2008

Roger Taylor’s daughter goes to school near where i live

so WHY does her father live in LA????

Alan on 4th of February 2008

Yes indeed, Ian Rankin was not only in the audience, but he spoke to me in the bar beforehand!

He said: “Are these seats taken?”

Superb show Mr Minchin, and I have reviewed it HERE for anyone interested.

Mike on 4th of February 2008

Any chance of future gigs in Toronto?

rodger on 4th of February 2008

with reference to the glasgow gig…i think all us scots did enjoy it…very much. had a copy of a dvd for you that my friend made for university using canvas bag but forgot to bring it which is why you dont have it. Anyhoo, enjoy NY and come back to Glasvegas later in the year if you get a chance.

Malcolm Rogan on 4th of February 2008

Hi Tim, I didn’t get a chance to say but it was a real pleasure to work with you. Your technical knowledge, your talent and your overall attitude made my day an absolute pleasure. I look forward to watching your much deserved rise to fame and fortune. I hope you enjoyed your Glasgow Tron visit as much as I did. not to mention the packed audience!
Best to your family, you and your talented career, enjoy them all.
Your babe will be your best friend for the rest of your life I promise you.
Best wishes

By the way, my website was from darker days, they did end for me but the memories stick with you.

Malcolm @ Tron

Fiona on 3rd of February 2008

Rest assured, Tim, we Scots in Edinburgh enjoyed ourselves immensely on Friday night. And I wonder if you knew that Ian Rankin (of the Inspector Rebus novels) was in your audience. You have celebrity fans. Cool.

Matt Kaye on 3rd of February 2008

Was at Glasgow last night, awesome. So much more polished than the show at the Fringe I saw two years ago, even though some of the content was the same you’ve updated it slightly and the stand up was much more impressive. Those New Yorkers are lucky people.

Dith on 3rd of February 2008

Good to see you are having a great time in New York, Tim, but you MUST come to Sydney and do some more gigs! Hopefully soon because I have just opened a new bank account and I want to buy the tickets before my senses go out the window and I start spending all my money on other crap! So yeah.. hope we can see you here soon! xox

lorna on 2nd of February 2008

ooooo a very long blog, that i spent the last 10 minutes reading (coz im a really slow reader)
anyhoo….are you gonna be doin any shows in the north-west of england??
coz i cant seem to buy ur dvd and i cant travel that far to see you :(

much luv

Sally Swann on 2nd of February 2008

Tim
2nd time seeing you (my birthday treat) in the Burgh and you are without question a human recipe of inspiring poetry, musical talent and comedy combined for delightful consumption…Knuckles togther!

John on 2nd of February 2008

……….wish I cud spell!

John on 2nd of February 2008

Hi Tim

Was at your Edinburgh show last night!!!! You are right…. you are amazing!!!!

Good luck in NY and come back to Scotalnd soon – even if you are rich and famous!

Take care

John

Nandi on 2nd of February 2008

Wee Scots enjoyed and – and big ones did too! Haste ye back! :-)

Sarah on 1st of February 2008

Dang, I certainly wish I was a New Yorker. Come to Canada why don’t you! Calgary in particular… you’ve got a following here =)

glam lovin kitty on 31st of January 2008

Woo hoo. A new blog and I only just noticed it a full day later. Bad, uncommitted me.
However I will be seeing you in person in two days and so I don’t care that I’ve been a tiny bit inattentive.
Yay.
x

AnnaWaits on 31st of January 2008

I hope that one day you’ll use up all your stored-up punctuation and just go wild. Li;ke! “Th(is)”

The Red Witch on 31st of January 2008

dear nick m

australians are lazy sods

we dont even do punctuation unless. we. feel. like it.

i do, however cos when i don’t i feel kirsty’s eyes boring into my skull from over the ocean

The Red Witch on 31st of January 2008

I told Dad…. he now is officially jealous of you and doesn’t like you at all…..

The Red Witch on 31st of January 2008

Really the drummer from Queen?

Dad’s going to be soooo jealous…. he loves Queen…. he’s got a crush on Freddie Mercury….

Nick M. on 31st of January 2008

I just got an e-mail from Tim thanking me for posting the link. At least it think it was Tim. It was signed with a t.
First I get an e-mail response from Tripod (Yon to be precise) then I get an e-mail response from Tim. This is a good week.

Nick.

P.S. This could just be a coincidence, but both of those e-mails were all lower case. Do Austrailian computer keyboards not have shift keys? Seems like a weird place to skimp on computer design. Or is that just the cool thing to do?

The Red Witch on 31st of January 2008

Butt Star………

*giggling raucously as only a drunken witchy can*

Jaxx on 31st of January 2008

Ah, a highly enjoyable blog.
I came off feeling you were slightly underwhelmed by the Americans. Vegas… gah. Never been, don’t think I’ll waste the time or money, and you just enforced that point well and truly (nothing personal to anyone who likes/lives/knows people how like and/or live in Vegas).
Ars Nova – I thought exactly the same thing. Oh our dirty Australian minds, so primitive to that of our American relatives :)
Because I don’t know anyone in New York, I’ll deliberately go out of my way and find a New Yorker and tell them to buy a ticket. Just for you, Tim. Just for you.

Sybil on 31st of January 2008

$110 for breakfast? Did they at least have vegemite???

My experience of American breakfasts is that everything is either made of sugar, or fried, or made of sugar AND fried. And then usually dusted in sugar, just to cover all the bases..

‘Fat children’ would have had particular resonance there, I guess…

S
xx

PS yes, it also strikes me as odd that out of that whole essay, I chose to focus on the breakfast…

Horse Hannah on 31st of January 2008

Wow, Tim, it sounds like you had quite an adventure. Or alot of fun, at least. It’s nice to know you did drink white wine in the sun.

And I translated “Ars Nova” as arse star. *slaps wrist*. I’m so immature.

Han
xox

*~Kat~* on 31st of January 2008

Always great to hear what you’re up to tim! :)
Golly! you were in Roger Taylors house!?! that is so cool!
Have fun in Scotland, and America…
wish i could come to watch :P
Luv kat xox

Sar. on 31st of January 2008

Wow! That made for fantastic reading material.
It’s nice to know what happens in the life of Tim.
Whether or not he eats breakfasts for the famous…
And… The fact that he translates Ars Nova to mean butt star (That was my favourite part of the blog I’ve got to say… I don’t think I’d have made that connection. Either you’re not the average punter. Or I’m not.)
I’m glad you’re all sold out.
I hope you don’t close the season early. That would disappoint me greatly.
I do love ya.
Sarah

Dianne - sydney on 31st of January 2008

Nice – you ever thought about writing professionally?

break a leg (and an arm etc.)

*Sarah* on 30th of January 2008

By the way, I like the fact that 6 nights a week for 6 weeks is described as a very limited season. Ahh, those crazy americans, as you might have pointed out once or twice already.

*Sarah* on 30th of January 2008

I like the anecdotal blog with the abrupt ending. To be honest, though, I enjoy reading anything written by anyone that I vaguely know. But you can still feel special, as I enjoyed reading yours a lot more than some others.

America sounded cool. Australia sounded cool. Scotland and America II sound like they’ll be cool too. Lots of coolness there. I might throw in a “hip” to make it more lively. Have a hip time, cool Tim.

x

Tim Hynes on 30th of January 2008

PLAY IN IRELAND!!! please?

Nick M. on 30th of January 2008

http://www.telecharge.com/BehindTheCurtain.aspx?prodid=6300
That the link for tickets.

Glad to hear you had fun in the states. I was at that first show and you rule.

Nick.

AnnaWaits on 30th of January 2008

That bit about you being a fool sounded harsher than I’d intended, sorry.

(Yes, I’m a god-forbid-I-hurt-somebody person too…)

*hug of atonement*

AnnaWaits on 30th of January 2008

“The driver who took us to our hotel asked me what I did and I told him I was a comedian”

You sir, are a fool. I’m not even a comedian and I know not to do that – luckily, not being a comedian, I don’t even have to know it. It’s surplus knowledge, really. :)

Anyway, it was fun reading about your travels… are you one of those people who has an iPod attached to their head the whole time? What beautiful sounds got you through the long journeys?
xxx

Linzy on 30th of January 2008

Reading’s fun. I enjoyed that.

One problem with it though – what am I meant to do this weekend? I mean I’m not a Scot so am I to just have a mediocre time or something?

Actually, my mum reckons I’m descended from the Scottish poet Robert Burns so do you reckon that counts?

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