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Back in the UKKR

by Tim 30th Jan 2008 | 95 comments


The writing of this post finds me well and truly back in the United Kingdom Kingdom Repeated.

And that, dear friends, is the extent of my justification for my title.

I feel like I ought to write a proper blog for once, one in which I actually regale my patient reader with reflections on my activities, rather than simply advertising my latest gig behind a thin veil of over-short sentences and mildly amusing non-sequiturs. Unfortunately, I’m not a natural anecdotalist. I know that that sounds ridiculous, given my chosen profession, but it’s true. Even the most exciting events in my life can be rendered completely suburban in my retelling. However, there has been a small wave of requests for details about my US trip, so I’m going to try.

Thus:

We flew to New York in an aeroplane. (Or as the Americans call them “Airplane”! Huh! Hahaha! Airplane! Hahaha!!! Crazy Americans!!). The driver who took us to our hotel asked me what I did and I told him I was a comedian and THAT is a mistake I will never make again. He told me countless jokes on that seemingly eternal drive, my favourite of which was, Why did the rake break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a ho., and my least favourite was something to do with Mexicans at airports. I didn’t understand the latter, because I’m not fully versed in the subtleties of the local racialist oral tradition yet. I will be though. Bloody Mexicans with their… hats… and their… outdoor parties with

Drinks.

The hotel we stayed in was nice. The restaurant downstairs was said to be owned by that irascible British gastronome, Gordon Ramsey, but I heard no foul-mouthed rants from the kitchen nor caught sight of the famous leathery scowl even once. I did however pay $US110 for breakfast on our first morning there, so I believe the rumour to be true. After that morning, I chose to break my fast at more economical eateries.

The venue in New York was called Ars Nova. That’s Latin for “New Arts”. I assume it was named thus because they were trying to target a Latin-speaking audience – in a country like America, it’s all about cornering a niche market. Unfortunately, it’s more likely to be translated as Butt Star by the average punter. Assuming, that is, that I am the average punter. Which I think I am. I punt mean. (That’s a pun. The mean bit, I mean.)

Language barriers, quotients and flat-bottomed boats aside, it was an amazing room. Only tiny, but the piano was great and the gear was great and the people were fantastic. Such a cool venue. The shows went great. There was clapping and drinking of wine. I met a couple of people who had traveled large distances to see my show, based only on my youtube presence and the enthusiasm of my UK and Australian fans. They were nuts and extremely nice. Just like my UK and Australian fans.

New York City is cool. If you like feeling you’re watching a TV show from the inside, you’ll like New York. I don’t like that feeling, but once I’d shaken it off, I liked the city very much. The people are nearly all Americans there, and for the first 24 hours I just wanted to shout, EVERYBODY JUST STOP FUCKING SMILING AT ME AND TELLING ME TO HAVE A NICE FUCKING DAY, but I didn’t which was good because you get used to it pretty quickly. I went up the Rockefeller centre and looked off the edge. It’s high. I like the Chrysler Building best.

We caught an airplane (when in Rome etc) to Las Vegas next. Everything that can be said about Las Vegas has been said. Oh except this: It’s a place where if you leave your ipod in the ipod dock in the obscenely massive hotel room, you won’t ever see it again. And maybe also:

It’s ridiculously hypocritical for I who, like all of you, live in the unprecedented luxury of the western world surrounded by everything I want or need and with more wealth than 96% of the earth’s population, to get on my soap-box about affluence, but. Vegas is fucking awful. I struggled to have a sense of humour about it. Perhaps the best symbol of the… discardability of the place is the “Colosseum” – a 5000 seat venue which they built for Celine’s show and which apparently is now to be torn down. And named after one of the most permanent and extraordinary human-built structures on earth. I dunno. When is irony not funny? About then I reckon. The whole place feels exactly like Sideshow Alley did at the Royal Show: a simultaneously cheap and expensive oversupply of crappy, shiny, colourful ephemera. Like an extra-marital one night stand or a Big Mac: even while you’re digging in and enjoying it, you’re suffering from premature remorse.

I did one 40 minute set in Vegas as part of the HBO Comedy Festival. It was OK. It was in a ballroom at Caesar’s Palace and I didn’t like the vibe of the room at all. Spoke to Mr Izzard after he had done a gig later that night in a (much bigger) ballroom in the same Hotel, and he hated it too. So Eddie and I have that in common, at least. Jerry (you know who I mean… my mate Jezza Seiny) was doing the Colosseum on the same night. I didn’t chat to him about it, but I think he went OK. Obviously he would have struggled to sell tickets, but I hope he doesn’t resent me – it’s not my fault we were billed at the same time.

So from Vegas, we went to LA. We hired a big car and I played some pool at Roger Taylor’s house. Not THAT Roger Taylor, the other one – the drummer from Queen. Cool huh. He wasn’t home, but I don’t think he would have minded. Oh and the shows were pretty good. And I had loads of meetings with people. And they were nice. I signed with an agent called Richard. He seems good. He’s going to either make me a movie star, or not make me a movie star. Huh! What are the odds on one of those things happening? Crazy Americans.

And then we took an aeroplane to Australia. We were on the same flight as Damon Herriman who was previously my hero and is now my friend. For you Australians, he played George on Love My Way. And he’s brilliant. Oh and he was the weird hick guy who picked up the dude and the chick in his pickup truck in House Of Wax. Huh. I liked the bit when Paris got the thing through her head. Huh. Huhuh.

I had a fine old time in Australia. There was a beach and I chose to go to it quite a lot. I got a tiny bit brown. My baby went in the ocean and that is good. I saw my mum and yes, I drank white wine in the sun y’all.

And so, on we go.

Some of you reading type people will now know that my next big coming-up-thingy is a 6-week run in New York, starting on March 3rd. I’ll be performing at the New World Stages six nights a week until April 12th. Unless, of course, I don’t sell tickets and we have to close the season early, but that will never happen because everyone in the whole of New York is going to be rushing for tickets. “Why”, you ask? Because if they don’t, I’ll have to close early. And that, my lovelies, is an example of Petitio Principii, or begging the question. Sort of.

You may encourage your buddies in New York to click here to buy tickets. If you are actually in or around New York yourself and would like to buy tickets, then you my special friend, should click here.

My Edinburgh and Glasgow shows this weekend have sold out, which is very exciting. I do hope you enjoy yourselves, you Scots.

tim.
x

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95 Comments

Rebekka on 1st of August 2009

You dooo have fans in Norway as well, by the way. Not only in Australia and UK. we’re at least two…

daisy on 2nd of May 2009

cool blog i like how in your your writing youll use a whole string if relly big and poetic words and then in the next sentence use random words that arnet realy words like thingy. and also i like how some aof the the other comments will say somthing preteintious and mean but make it all ok with a little smile face. which, by the way, im reallly good at making check this one out (*_*)><(*_*) cute huh

Kate Barlow on 10th of March 2009

Hey Tim. Great blog! I much enjoyed reading it. Wow you played pool at Roger Taylor’s house. That is awesome. I hope you are having fun on your American tour and hopefully you won’t have to finish early. I will indeed encourage all my American buddies to go to your shows in New York. I could always travel to New York myself but I think the journey is a bit too long(and expensive)for me. I am hopefully going to see you in November when you come to UK which will be very exiting.
I can’t wait for your new CD as well :D
Kate x

Paul on 21st of January 2009

Hi Tim,
wow, we’re still reeling from a fab show at the Roundhouse in London on Saturday – there were 2 homeopaths in our gang (one of them is a repeat attendee) and they too were laughing … it was amazing, all of it, especially and unexpectedly the wonderful, hauntingly brilliant rendition of Halleluiah (:-?) … the whole thing was fantastic and we can’t wait to get the new cd when it comes out and to see your meteoric rise continue further … by the way, we saw James Fleet, actor (Hugo Horton, Vicar of Dibley and also in 4 Weddings & a Funeral) in the audience.
Hoping to see you again very soon,
Paul & Sarah, Yorkshire

Fiona on 11th of January 2009

Aw dammit – you came to glasgow? Can’t believe I missed that…

*kicks self*

Anyway, I hope we don’t have to wait too long for you to come back :)

x

rosedarpam on 4th of January 2009

I just discovered you on YouTube, and consider your repertoire to be brilliant. I’m 61 and live in Hawaii, don’t book here unless it’s a small venue because the level of sophistication here is generally 0 to none. However, If you combined a vacation and a show, you might find it rewarding. If you do, I will proselytize any person who is not brain dead to attend your show. Also, enjoyed the blog.

Tim Ford on 13th of November 2008

Hi Tim,

Just to thank you for a fantastic show in Worcester on 12 November, It was quite simply two hours of fantastic entertainment. It was a pleasure to meet you after the show and shake your hand. My beloved Denise loves that little shimmy you do during “If I didn’t have you”.

When you’re back in the UK we will definitely come and see you again.

best wishes for the future

And you do so Fucking Rock

Tim

patrick spelman on 12th of November 2008

how old do you have to be to go to one of your gigs tim i am thirteen and missed you when you came to coventry so please come back

Not you (leah) on 26th of May 2008

Hello again just checking in hoping all is well.. the show has started it is pretty kick ase.. just wondering planning any aussie trips??!!.. as well as that hope all your shows and things are going to plan.. good luck (not that u need it).. xx

Ben M on 16th of May 2008

just wondering when your going to tour Australia again?

and your so fucking rock

lachie on 14th of May 2008

COME TO AUSTRALIA! WE LOVE YOU THE MOST!

Debora on 9th of May 2008

Tim. . . You f**king rock!

kirsty spence on 1st of May 2008

tim i am so glad that your touring the uk and esp scotland again i have been waiting to see you in concert for years now, but your always sold out. i am also glad you are releasing a dvd but pls why cant we buy it in the stores as i do not have a credit card to but it online from you. will this be on sale at your gigs if so i would be a very happy fan. hope to see you soon

Olivia on 1st of May 2008

Really Really enjoy your music, can’t wait to see your live hope you come to Sydney soon
Love Olivia
xox

alena on 29th of April 2008

it seems a while since we had some new gossip tim…

please make with the story writing and tell us something exciting. anything will do

leah ellis on 26th of April 2008

here i am leaving yet another message.. i may seem like a stalker but i am just waiting for rehearsals.. i rehearse four nites a week for the wiz, a black american version of the wizard of oz which my school is produsing in its 3.2 million dollar preforming arts venue.. living in australia and all its is funny when all the kids put on their accents.. and witha ll that i still keep up school work and A’s as well as band rehearsals and band camps.. (this one time at band camp… no i dont play the flute) your life seems busy and tiresome but also fascinating so if you only have time to glimse through my message, or even if you actyally readit id just like to say your hard works worth it.. its like when i put on a good preformance i may be dead tired from rehearsals and spend a couple of nights in the hospital from dehidration and exhaustion but when the curtain goes down and the audience applauds its the best feeling ever.. cheers mate.. xx

Brian on 21st of April 2008

Hey,
I agree with the girl who suggested you could write professionally for a living. That was a fun read. I especially like how you summed up, pretty much, America…perfectly (discardable) – even though you were directing it at Vegas in particular.
Anyway, I think you’re material is fantastic. Although I can’t manage to successfully order your DVD online. Ach, I’m sure I’ll see it eventually.
Hoping you play in Scotland again shortly so I can catch you this time. I hadn’t realised you were playing here in January until after it or I’d have been there.
Let’s hear more about NYC.

Take it easy,
Brian

Syb on 19th of April 2008

Hey Timmy

I think it’s time for another blog please.

I want to hear about your new york run…

x

Kylie on 18th of April 2008

Hey Tim! I recently discovered your stuff on youtube and, well, you’ve already been told a billion times that you’re brilliant, so I won’t say it again :P

I would leave a message begging you to perform where I live, but there’s no chance, because I’m an Aussie living in Switzerland. A country which is great of you like chocolate and cheese and pretty landscapes, but crap if you want good comedy. I can’t even show your songs to my friends because they don’t understand enough English! *cries*
I’ll live though, and when I’m wealthy enough (can’t say old enough because I’m 20 and if I’d been really desperate, I could have nicked off to England ages ago) I want to move to England (to study and hang out), so maybe I’ll catch one of your gigs then. :D

Keep up the brilliant work! (oops, I said it anyway.)

xx kylie

Megan on 14th of April 2008

hey tim,
i was always a fan….you know enjoying all your sketches sometimes even watching an entire comedy show mainly coz i wanted to c u sing.
but recently after looking for a clip of Jeff Buckley singing Hallelujah on utube, i came across a wonderful clip of u singing that very song. :)
after hearing it i was speachless! i’d never heard u sing something lyk that!!
im not really sure why i am leaving a message all i really wanted to say was your voice is absolutley incredible!! seriously i couldnt stop smiling.

so yer im jst one out of a million who have probly written to you telling you how wonderful you and your voice is……. hope enjoy:) and please keep doing what your doing!

xo megan

PS. congrates on ur baby!!!(vry delayed-sorry) – (although i was a little upset when i found out u wer married i quickly got over it and felt happy that ur child will have an extremly cool dad…) congrates!!!

Liz on 13th of April 2008

Oh Sh…t you did some shows here in LA, and I didn’t know it…Damn will you come back again and advertise…PALLEESE…we need good humor…
Thanks

PSEUDONYM on 12th of April 2008

OH MY GOODNESS TIM TIMMY TIM TIM (doesn’t anyone remember that you have a last name?)

I’m leaving you a comment. It has nothing special in it, no money, no anecdote, and no wine.

Just a simple request:
Come to California.

PSEUDONYM

Dani on 12th of April 2008

Hi Tim!

My best friend is named Tim and you remind me a lot of him only different. I just stumbled on your stuff on You Tube and have to say you are brilliant. I need to know if “Not Perfect” is on one of your CDs. I can use it during my long drives to see my Psychologist. Only sort of kidding about that. I guess I should just shut up and buy both CDs and the DVD and be done with it. Perhaps next payday, my wife and children have already spent this paycheck. Anyway I wanted to just drop a note and let you know your work is appreciated on the left coast of the US.

cat on 10th of April 2008

i love you tim

david seagal on 9th of April 2008

Will be seeing the show this Friday nite. Can’t wait! It’s my friend’s second visit. My friend, Moogy Klingman, original member of Todd Rundgren’s Utopia and Jimi Hendrix’s “Jimi and the Flames”.

Mara Lesemann on 4th of April 2008

I saw your Thursday night in NYC show last night @ New World – my husband and I laughed harder than we had in a long time (and you play a great piano as well!). We’re busily (is that a word?) recommending you to our (few) friends, both in NY and elsewhere (on the theory that you will, someday, travel into the heartland of this sometimes-great country). Best of luck with the rest of your shows.

H.D. on 4th of April 2008

dude when are you gonna be coming back to california? the state is coming to an end without the great Tim here to guide us

Trent File on 1st of April 2008

Timmy timmy tim when are you coming to NSW I would love to see one of your gigs. Im kinda obsessed with your songs atm hehe they are fantastic. Thanks matey keep doing australia proud.
Trent

Damian on 26th of March 2008

I love Tim

Russell Meadows on 25th of March 2008

I’m a big fan of yours, I was wondering if you’d ever consider making an appearance in El Paso, TX.

Danny on 25th of March 2008

Hello, welcome to my message, im glad that you are reading…

Id just like to say that I think you are an amzingly talented musician :) You should release some of your “cleaner” songs into the charts, like Rock n Roll Nerd :D It’ll be amazing! I have both your CD’s and constantly listen to them :D

Do you think you would ever come over to Wales to do one of your amazing shows? I’d love to come see you so live!

Kathy butler on 24th of March 2008

tim is God.

Tim on 24th of March 2008

Dear Tim,

As I am also called Tim I feel we share a special bond, though time and space may separate us. I know you long to return to Melbourne, I just know it. I know you’re as sad to be not at the comedy festival as I am that you are not (for those not called Tim: Tims do not need grammar). So I fully expect to see you at some venue suitably convenient to me before long.

Oh, and Maddy is also devastated at your non-attendance. I assure you that between the two of us, we can fill any venue you play provided there aren’t more seats than we have friends.

Much love,

Tim & Maddy

matt grey on 22nd of March 2008

When r u comin back to OZ and can u please sel ur cd over the web or somewhere…all i have is the dvd….little hard to play in the car.
:)

honor on 21st of March 2008

Saw you at the New World Stages on Monday night – 17th – you were brilliant.

Shaun Taylor on 15th of March 2008

Hello Tim, hope the NY tour goes well,

I am simply writing to you to give a huge blessing, both as a fan, and as a general comedy lover. (I mean as in a lover of comedy, not a laughably inadequate male struggling to satisfy his partner; but I digress)

It has been difficult in recent years to find decent, new (dare I say interesting?) comedic talent, especially in the UK… I enjoy people who make the audience laugh but also make them feel slightly nervous/unsure what to expect? The well-rooted UK icons of Eddie Izzard, Bill Bailey, Peter Kay, Ricky Gervais etc. have always done well but new talent (until recently) has been a little dry in the UK, unless I have missed them…?

Recently the likes of yourself, Mark Watson, Michael McIntyre, etc. have rekindled my faith in quick-witted & energetic stage/stand-up comedy, and once again I am striving through You-tube and similar sites to search for exciting, new, and above all INTERESTING comedy.

Myself and my darling rock, Ciara (not literally inanimate nor dense, more of a patient / understanding bearer of myself and my sins… did that come across clearly? I digress) have followed your path as many fans do, albeit only via the patchy fenestrated index of You-tube and other websites (I have always found your tickets to be sold-out too quickly for me to get them), so is there any news of a UK-based tour/show soon? If funds permitted we would commute to NY this Easter (although I do like my sleep, and thus I fear incompatability with a self-proclaimed insomniac city…?)

So in summary – praise, contentment, and athirst for a Tim Minchin UK show a.s.a.p.

Kind Regards

Shaun & Ciara
(just fans, no-one special)
Nottingham, England.

Line Hilton on 15th of March 2008

ps. Vegas is a place famous performers go when we think they’ve died, sometimes they are dead, just didn’t “get it”

Line Hilton on 15th of March 2008

I can’t believe you didn’t mention meeting up with me in Oz…what has all this “might” be a film star “might not” stuff gone to your head!

X

annastacia middleton-mather on 11th of March 2008

Hi Tim ( and wife and child)
Tim, I am not 20 or even 29 and 12 months, but as possibly one of the oldest fans other than your mum may I just say “thankgod for Tim Minchin and his biting and delightful self”. For us 39 and 12 monthers you come as a most needed antidote to the horror of being a gen x responcible for the irresponcible mess left by Baby fucking Boomers, trying to save our own skins and raise yet another generation of human beings. maybe, no very very daggy of me, but I just love the way my 6 year old, 9 year old and 11 year old wander around our dull suburban house in Perth singing outloud “Inflatable you”, not sure if they fully understand the lyrics, . My cello playing 11yr (Mietta)old tried to work out Not Perfect on her cello, the 9 yr old (Maggie) wants her school choir to sing Canvas Bag as a productin number. Needless to say you are very popular in our house. Infact Not Perfect was played on heavy rotation when driving to Kalbarrie for Xmas. I know that none of this fits with your status as a Rock God, but it is kinda cute you gotta admit, and makes a change from 20 year olds batting their eyes at you…maybe?! Our friend (pause for possible name dropping) Lee Buddle has a funny story about you and a fit ball incident in his studio. Loved your Perth show..can I get the Christmas song anytime soon? MOre more more Tim Minchin please… sitcom in the States!!!??? Regards, Annastacia

Patrick Garrigan on 8th of March 2008

Coming to your show tonight! Most New Yorkers think Vegas is a shithole as well. Regardless, hope you’re enjoying your time is our fair city. Looking forward to the show.

Best,
PG

Cathy K on 7th of March 2008

Hiya – watched u in London at the Stand Up For Animals gig and u were really, really good. And please accept that as a compliment as at 59yrs of age I am not usually into the young comedians of today – but you were great!!
Keep Up The Good Work – as smiling more in this world would change a lot of attitudes.
Hugs

J-dog on 6th of March 2008

Ahaha! I wonder how many yanks click the first link, as apposed to the second link.

Jim Gladstone on 5th of March 2008

Howdy. I saw some ads for your shows in NY and thought, hmmm, this sounds like it might be worth gambling on a couple of tickets to something totally new to me. Last time I took a random chance like that, it was Eddie Izzard, a very happy discovery. I’m refraining from listening to your stuff online, as I’m looking forward to discovering it in person. Looking forward to catching your gig on Friday the 21st.

matt beverdam on 28th of February 2008

when are you coming to adelaide next

Albert [d76th] on 21st of February 2008

-looks back at huge as page of comments-…
No matter how much you give us to read, we’ll give you more.
>] not that that was the intention of ..something. :3

-emoticon user = 17yrold- xP somewhat envying ya. and here I’m havin’ a long break from studyin’ maths for my hsc course [nsw: higher school certificate, yr12]

;3 save my life story, all the best mate.

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