Blog

Hello indeed.
Just want to say a heartfelt and slightly teary thanks to everyone who saw my show in Edinburgh. It was – yet again – a pretty insane month, made bearable by the people who came to see the show and had fun. God bless the socks of you. I think I went pretty well, despite feeling a bit of “second-album” pressure. Reviewers were mostly kind, audiences laughed and clapped. Can’t really ask for a great deal more than that.
Now I live in London. Yesterday I went up to Alexandra Palace and had beer with friends and looked out over the city and felt rather happy with the whole thing.
Today I have to go to a business lunch. Nothing ever actually gets done, but generally someone with lots of money pays for it. It’s really just the comedy industry equivalent of dogs sniffing each other’s bums. Fine by me. This is why I moved to London. This is what I sacrificed the Australian summer for. Dogs. Bums. Sniffing.
Oh, I have a “myspace” page. All the cool kids are doing it. And quite a lot of the uncool ones. Click HERE to check it out. It’s really just the internet equivalent of dogs sniffing each other’s bums. To thrash the simile.
The crocodile hunter is dead. Peter Brock is dead.
Since Sept 10th 2001, there have been about 45oo deaths caused by terrorism, and about 95,000 caused by the war-on-terror. I have lunch to eat. Keep it in perspective.
Listen to disco. Be well.
The audio CD of “So Rock – Live” will be available online soon, I promise.
tx

Hello.

I think the irregularity of my posts is kind of sexy. I now see myself as one of those enigmatic and aloof, hard to reach, olive-skinned kind of guys.

I am in Edinburgh again. Since I last wrote, I’ve done Dark Side in Brisbane and Sydney (that was fun and sunny), Amadeus in Perth (which was different and hard and good), and Dark Side in Montreal (where everyone talked funny and expected tips).

So, tonight I open “So Rock” at the Gilded Balloon, which is the show I did at Melbourne Comedy Fest, only it wasn’t called “So Rock” then, because I didn’t make up a title in time. I’m looking forward very much to doing the pissing in a hippo joke again. I’ve missed it.

People I’m looking forward to seeing at this festival:
– Tony Law (I think he’s excellent… and have heard his new show is really different and ace).
– Mark Watson (I’m reading his book at the moment. He’s smart and nice and funny and good).
– Rhod Gilbert (Caustic Welshman, very excellent).
– Charlie Pickering (Another stand-up who’s pushing the genre boundary. Nominated for best show in Melbourne).
– Geraldine Quinn (Aussie musical satirist. Think Janis Joplin with gender issues and a history degree).
– Claire Hooper (Another good aussie Sheila doing a late night spot. I haven’t seen this show, but she’s brill and it aint just stand-up).
– Danny Bhoy (Doesn’t need the plug but he’s nice and good and is doing all new stuff).
– Boothby Graffoe (Love him).

I could go on for ever. All the Aussies are ace. Wil Anderson doing his first Edinburgh in 7 years. Adam Hills as always. Loads of great first timers. Go to everything at the Gilded Balloon!

Oh – and I’m hosting Laughapoolooza on Saturday nights (from next week) at the Assembly Rooms.

If you see any good shows, post a comment and let us all know. (Or if you’re one of my friends and are angry at me for not plugging your show, send me a scathing email).

xx

I’m doing two performances of my new show, “So Rock” in Perth on June 10th and 11th at 8pm.
Only 400 seats on sale all together. Cool and exclusive huh?
For details and tickets and all that, go to the Bocs Ticketing website, or phone 08 6488 2440.
The show is being recorded for a new CD. Fun.
t.

I reckon I’ve never been as anxious as I was a week ago today… and now I feel all relaxed like a truck driver who’s been slipped a rohypnol at a roadhouse by an amorous chico-roll maker name of Betsy.

Shows at the HiFi are selling out mostly. Which is grand. New material is going nicely… it’s quite dark in bits, which came as a bit of a surprise.

I’ve had a few reviews, all of which have been more than kind. Not that I care about reviews of course. Much. Check them out if you like by clicking HERE

Cheerypip.
tx

Hi. Like my new, snazzy website? It’s pretty new and snazzy. Probably the most significant change, other than the aesthetic features, is the development of an “MP3s and Downloads” page. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to upload shit yet, but when I do… well fuck me if you won’t be able to download the very same shit.

It appears that – with 5 days to go until Comedy Festival – I have managed to gather enough amusing material to fill an hour. Which is a nice relief. Whether anyone other than I will be amused by it is yet to be seen. Feeling pretty pumped though. And I’ve got a name for the show too. Obviously all the posters and stuff just say Tim Minchin, but between you guys and me, it’s called “So Rock”. OK. Sorted.

In other reasonably exciting news, I’m closing the Comedy Festival Gala next week. I’m sure those of you who have seen a bit of my stuff will be able to guess what song I’m closing with. Hint: there’s going to be a choir. And a trumpet player. And some pyrotechnics. So fucking rock. It’ll be on tele some time the week after next.

Some of the subject matter to be addressed in my new show includes:
– People who feed their kids crap food and make them fat.
– The possibility of the existence of genuine psychics.
– The viability of training a flock of birds to poo written messages.
– The infallible brilliance of the theory of Intelligent Design.
– Environmentally friendly shopping bags. Sorry, can’t help it.

So. I should go practice stuff. Come along to my new show if you’re in Melbourne. If you’re not in Melbourne, do something else fun. As often as possible.

A wee update from sunny London.

My album, DARK SIDE LIVE, recorded at the Spiegeltent in Melbourne just before Chrissy is now available online.

Just pop along to Middle Eight Music, and they’ll kindly send it to you wherever you are on this moist planet.

How exciting.

In other news, here’s the only review I’ve got (so far) for my London season of Dark Side, which finishes next Saturday. It’s from the Metro, and is quite charming.

Back in Australia in a couple of weeks, and will be locking myself to my piano to try and get some new bits ready for Melbourne Comedy Festival. Which’ll be a fucking hoot, I’m sure.

Right ho,
t.

Howdy.

The DarkSide Live album has been finished and packaged. Hopefully before too long we will have it available to buy online and even on itunes.

For now, however, it’s only going to be available at gigs. So if you’re in London and you’re coming to see DarkSide at the Soho Theatre, you can buy it. Which is damn good news for everyone concerned.

For those interested in a DVD… thanks for being interested. We’re going to have to wait a bit longer for that because the production of it is no longer in my hands. When it does come, however, it is going to be real fancy with a menu and nice colours and everything.

Trust you’re all robust.
t.

Hi.

A few weeks ago the was a show on the ABC here in Oz called “My Favourite Movie”. I performed a one minute musical retelling of the movie “Donnie Darko”, and a few people have requested lyrics. Well… two people actually. But that’ll do.

The DONNIE DARKO Song
So there’s this kid called Donnie Darko, he’s a schizophrenic teen,
And this aeroplane engine falls through his roof and lands where he’s just been,
But it’s cool cos he’s out sleepwalking – as is his habit
Engaged in apocalyptic discourse with this freaky six-foot rabbit.

You see our Donnie on reality doesn’t have a firm hold,
The rabbit teaches him about time travel and wormholes.
He burns down Patrick Swayze’s house cos the rabbit tells him to,
He shags a chick called Gretchen and the rabbit shows him what to do.
They throw a wicked Halloween party, with 80’s tunes and beer,
Then they hop on their bikes and ride through the night and that’s when things get weird.

The rabbit’s drunk behind the wheel, and Gretchen cops a car-full,
So Donnie takes out his gun and shoots the rabbit through the eyeball.
Then he carries his girlfriend’s body up the hill above his town
And watches as the parallel universe he’s been living in tumbles down.

Then using telekinesis he rips an engine off this plane
And is sucked back through the wormhole and he’s back at the beginning again,
So when the jet comes through the ceiling, he’s tucked up in his bed
And life is back to normal, except that Donnie Darko’s dead.

This film’s an examination of time and space and psychosis,
And a very good example of why they developed myxomatosis.

Hi.

Loads of people who saw Inflatable You on ITV’s Tickled Pink in the UK have requested that I post the lyrics on my website. So I’m doing it. See what a pliable young man I am?

(nb. While we’re at it, I’d like to point out that the inflatable person in this song is not called Felicity. The Felicity referred to in the 7th stanza is the improper noun, felicity, meaning happiness.)

(Thank fuck we sorted that out.)

Inflatable You

Your love for me is not debatable
Your sexual appetite’s insatiable
You never ever make me waitable
Delectable, inflatable you.

You don’t have problems with your weight at all
You never steal food off my plate at all
I never have to masturbate at all
Unstoppable, inflatable you.

You never seem to menstruate at all
So you’re not angry when I’m late at all
I feel permanently felatable
Unpoppable, inflatable you.

With you in my arms I feel we could just fly away
With the right kind of gas I might even try it some day
In this ocean of life I’m never afraid we might drown
We could just float forever whatever the weather
Whenever my inflatable lover’s around.

Your thighs and buttocks are so holdable
You always do what you are toldable
And if we argue you just foldable
Controllable consolable you.

My mates all reckon you are suitable
I took you ‘round to watch the footable
And Steve and Gary said you’re rootable
Commutable, refutable you.

You’re never sensitive or tickley
When I rub you my skin goes prickerly
It’s know an static electricity
Felicity when I’m kissing you.

Your skin is so smooth – I couldn’t afford you with hair
You have all the holes real girls have got plus one for the air
Your problems are simple, I don’t need my Masters in Psych
To know if you get down I just perk you right up
With a couple of squirts from the pump off my bike.

You never wake up when I snore at all
A trait which I find quite adorable
You have a box and you are storable
Ignorable, back-doorable you.

Any sexual position’s feasible
Although you don’t bend at the knees at all
Your hooters are so firm and squeezable
Increasable, un-creasable you.

You don’t complain about my hairy back
Or ‘bout the inches that downstairs I lack
You’re not disgusted by my furry crack
Burt Bacharach, Jack Kerouac ooo.

Now birth control is not an issue
I clean it all up with a tissue
I bet my jealous friend all wish you
Were insatiably inflatably theirs.

Don’t let me down.
Don’t let me down.
Don’t let me down.
And I won’t let you down.

Tim Minchin 2003.

Hi.

Unsurprisingly, my blog efforts have been completely crap. Sorry about that. Blogs are fucking boring anyway.

I’m sitting in Heathrow terminal 4. I’ve been here for an hour and I still have an hour to wait – a result of my compulsion to leave room-for-error. Admittedly, in this case I left so much room-for-error that I probably could have been the victim of an underground bombing incident, crawled to safety, gone to hospital, had some skin grafts, been fitted with an artificial leg, undergone a series of counselling sessions, found a new lease on life as a wheelchair basketballer and completed a phd in comparative religion and still have got to the airport in time to buy some duty free vodka and a sunglasses strap before boarding. Which is obviously absurd, cos I hate vodka.

A point-form analysis of what’s been going down:

– I went to Edinburgh,
– I did my show 25 times and lots of people came and saw it.
– I got some nice reviews.
– I won a prize which – it transpires – was a really good prize to win.
– I flew to London.
– I had lots of meetings and managed to secure a manager. (www.pbjmgt.co.uk)
– I performed “Inlatable You” and “Canvas Bags” at the Royal Albert Hall in front of 5000 people. It was really fun and made me feel really good about myself. If I’d had a couple of fish and a loaf of bread, I swear I could have fed the cunts.
– I did my show twice at the Soho theatre (in Soho, surprisingly) and it went really well.

Other good things include:
– I’m going back to London in October to do my Perrier Award show at the Lyric, which is a big, beautiful theatre on the West End. 23rd October for you Londoners.
– I’m going back to London again in February to do a proper season at the Soho Theatre.
– I filmed a couple of bits of stuff for various tele and radio things. So I’ll be getting some nice exposure in the UK in the next 12 months.
– I got invited to the Montreal Comedy Festival. Which is really good cos it’s a way in to the US market.
– There’s a couple of DVD-making companies who want to sign me up to make a DVD of my show some time in the future. So that won’t be soon but when it happens it’ll be proper.
– I think Sarah and I are going to move to the UK within the next 12 months. I don’t know if that is good or sad… but there’s no choice really, career-wise.

So. Not a very entertaining blog, but perhaps an informative one. It’s been a swell couple of months. I hope everyone else has had nice stuff too. Next stop for me, Tasmania. Launceston on the 30th and 1st, and Hobart on the 6th, 7th and 8th. Come and see the show you crazy Taswegian people. (For the geograpically challenged, Tasmania is the little island thingy on the bottom of Australia. It’s nice and they sell fish there.)

tx

Hi guys. Another uncreative post. Me tired. Lots of meetings with producers and managers. All good.

Couple of bad reviews this week, which I won’t post because they’re bitchy and I like to pretend they don’t exist.

The good ones are now posted on the comedy review page.

My lady-friend, Sarah Minchin, arrives tomorrow. Ace.

I have a night off tonight. Really ace.

I hope you are all extremely well.

Hey. Still crook, but I think I’ll survive. I’ll just stop my farking whinging eh?

Couple more articles:

SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY FEATURE

BBC ARTICLE

You don’t have to read all this shit… it’s just so my mum knows want to tell her friends about.

xxx

So. The throat’s doing its hilarious thing again. Tonsils all grubby. After some hysterically unfunny interactions with the National Health Service, I managed to talk my way into some antibiotics. Who knows if they’ll do any good… but at least I get to swallow some pills. While the nurse was out of the room, I stole a pair of purple latex gloves. Which I imagine will come in handy.

I’m feeling pretty crap in general. Have cancelled all extraneous gigs. I just need to get through tonight and tomorrow night… and then I get a night off. Although I have two radio things on the monday, both of whom require songs. (In fact, the BBC Radio2 folk are trucking in a grand piano for no other reason than my 10 minute set on Monday night. Silly buggers. The show’s being recorded in front of about 650 people at the Assembly Rooms Music Hall. Should be fun.)

Got my second review today. In The Times, no less. It is extremely positive, but there’s a bit of criticism and they only gave me 3 stars. Stupid fuckers. And I swear if I get called “classically-trained” one more time, I’m going to find some sheet-music, roll it into a tube, and insert it. I think they get fooled by the length of my jacket. Probably the most obvious thing about my dubious piano skills is that I’m far from classically-fucking-trained. Why does it bother me? I’ve no idea. Anyway, click on to read: The Times Review.

If you haven’t read the first review, it’s here: The Scotsman Review. I have read a few other reviews she’s written since mine came out… and I escaped a potentially lethal pen. She’s caustic as fuck when she wants to be.

While we’re media-watching, there was an article in the SMH yesterday about the Edinburgh Fringe. Check it if you want: SMH Article.

Also, they tell me that an article on Dark Side is to be the lead story in Time Out magazine, which is a weekly entertainment guide that everyone reads in London. Aparently that’s really good.

Apart from the (stressful goddamn) health issues, all goes swimmingly. A few producers and managers still showing interest. I’m just listening and trying to be patient. We almost sold out last night, which is amazing.

Hope everyone’s having fun. Thanks for your posts. They make me feel all tepid in the trouser. Franklin, Turbank, Gwenyth, Jorge… I love yez all.

xt

Hi.
It seems I’m too lazy to do this blogging thing with any regularity.
It’s now a week since my show opened. Feels like a month. It’s all going remarkably well really. Got a great review (see Comedy Reviews), have had pretty ace crowds, my voice is holding up, the piano is really good, everybody is nice to me, the weather is fine, I’ve had about 2 drinks over the entire week, my body is standing up to the stage falls thanks to a high-density crash-mat, my friends are all ace, my sister is wicked, there are excellent people helping me with flyering and stuff and i’ve met a few producers who are interested in helping me take my show to various places. We shall see.
The only thing I don’t have is easy internet access. thus my grammatically unsound blog.
Thanks for posting comments on my site. I particularly like the work of Franklin, who I suspect is actually my mum. Hi mum. Thanks for everything.
I hope everyone is good.
I’m definitely going to post some pics at some stage. Promise.
xt.

So, the beginnings of a blog. A travel diary published for those people who have the patience for such things. The type who not only look at other people’s overseas photos, but ask questions beginning with “Which art gallery…?” and “So she is related to…?”

Just so you know, I’m planning to indulge in the kind of floral loquaciousness typical of the fuzzy-brained traveller who fails to realize that not every physical journey has to be a heart-of-darkness-esque spiritual journey into literary hell. (“Edinburgh’s most famous landmark hunches over this ancient city with avuncular familiarity, casting its comforting shadow over the late afternoon coffee-tasters and caber-tossers. i think i’ve found the genetic source of my ginger pubes…” etc) And that no one really cares about your fucking spiritual journey anyway.

To begin again: I’m in Edinburgh. Which is in Scotland. I’ve been here for 3 days. Which feel like 6. I’m not-very-well, but I’m always not-very-well before shows. I think it’s psychosomatic, but maybe it’s just all in my head.

The venue I’m going to be playing is part of the Uni of Edinburgh. It is both neo-gothic and totally fucking ace. Two hundred years old, perhaps. The building is like a warren. Or a gavin. Or a barry. Loads of rooms, all of which are in the final stages of being converted into theatres and bars. And everywhere you look my silly head on bright pink posters. I’ve finally reached omnipresence. I can now retire. (But really, I can’t believe there are other people doing my publicity; I feel almost extraneous.) (Which could be an interesting title for a road movie starring Kate Hudson.)

Dark Side will be playing in the biggest room at the Gilded Balloon, the debating chamber: ceiling like a chapel, balconies on 3 sides. Amazing. In contrast to the ornate old-ness is a huge lighting rig and bigass sound system. Floor is wood and the stage is only about 5 foot high… so we’ll see how often I can fall of it before I need surgery.

Tomorrow morning the piano arrives. It is to be a Yamaha, and it is to be white. Roll over Elton, I wanna make you my bitch. I thought I might get a whiteboard marker and write on it during the show. Hmmm, as long as it sound bright and sparkly and doesn’t break when I hit the shit out of it, I don’t care.

I am staying in Marchmont with my friends, Neil, Jane and Cam. They are both nice and have a coffee machine.

Orright. More in a couple of days perhaps. Leave a comment if you have something to say. I like feeling like I have friends.

Hope you like my website. It’s kind of informative, eh.

t.x